5th March 2019

Satire

Corpus Christi Catholic High School

Welcome to private catholic school. The place where all 16 year old girls and boys want to spend their time. As they walk through the gates of heaven they are instantly being taught the ‘proper’ ways of life under God’s wing. A life where the motto Abide in Christ is slowly being drilled in their brains. At Corpus Christi, days are often scheduled so most students are sleep deprived and less attentive. This helps students with unlocking their subconscious minds and learn through it. It has been shown that people learn more when their brains are not working. Abide in Christ.

Let’s take a tour of the school! This is our gym, the place for stress, fitness, anxiety and yelling. Yelling is great because some students just happen to be deaf in one ear while a teacher is talking. The gym also teaches students many life skills. When a student loses a game, throwing a ball in anger, jealousy and humiliation builds good character and strengthens the opponent physically and mentally. Abide in Christ.

At Corpus Christi Catholic High School we strive to live the values of the gospel. On a regular basis we have mass at the local church. We help our young people to deepen their knowledge and understanding of their faith and offer them the opportunity to engage actively in the church and her liturgy. Often mass goes for 3 hours, we occasionally like the push students to the ultimate limits where they suffer from heat exhaustion and in extreme conditions, pass out. This helps students build a tolerance for when their bodies are being put to the test and will help them physically and mentally for life in the future. Abide in Christ.

Our curriculum is firmly rooted in the teachings of the church and we try to provide education that nurtures and develops all children so they lead compassionate and fulfilling lives. Come here into the classroom. Our teachers are technologically savvy, able to control a highly complex instrument as the remote. The students are watching the creation story. This film educates students where they can use this information in the outside world. It has been proven through the bible, when people call out to Christ our saviour, he listens and provides them with whatever need it may be. Students do not need to spend their time learning about Pythagoras Theorem or grammar, spelling and writing because god will always look after his children, those of higher class of course. You may not be able to see but there are other students covertly passing notes. The ability to engage in such an action without the teacher noticing requires necessary skills that could help in such occupation as illegal weapons trade and drug dealing. Abide in Christ.

Take a look to your left and you will find the bathrooms. At a time when human infections are wanting to take over the worlds population, it is necessary to have sanitary bathrooms. This school offers this luxury. With blue toilet cell walls embellished with elegant language. Soap dispenser and paper towels constantly empty and a canopy of wet toilet paper sitting on the roof patiently waiting to drop on an innocent child’s head. When the cleaners arrive every afternoon, the bathrooms are the most neglected areas of the school, especially when there’s constantly bloody tampons and pads sitting over the sanitary bins, what’s not to love. Bathrooms are students safe haven in this dangerous world. Abide in Christ.

At Corpus Christi all pupils have an equal right to the best possible education. Each child is special and unique and therefor is an individual who should be recognised, respected and cared for at all times. As we walk through the playground take a look and notice students throwing a child’s lunch around the field, this gives the student a reflection and feeling of being back in his own country as he scatters along the floor finding his food before he starves. This also gives the other students a bit of insight as to what life is like for people living in those situations. Abide in Christ.

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