This is Adler Svensson. He lays in his cell, still, tears form crust on the sides of his face as he stares at the roof. His hands sticky. He rarely cleaned himself, as young men do. The room was plain, surrounded by four white walls. All he could do was wait for his session, a time where he’d feel the most pain, the most vånda. Although there was one Sweidsh girl, among the staff, that kept him going. Someone that discreetly reassured him things will be okay.

A kvinna, who didn’t like to use Adler as much as the others. She was the kind of person woman loved to hate. She was an adult, but so young that she still had the exuberance of youth. Adler liked that about her, as he sits in the chair time and time again he watches as others strike him. She had the perfekt muscle definition and walks with confidence like someone a decade older. Her skins like glass as she radiates a brilliant beauty. As Adler sits in the rustic bruten and very unsturdy chair, watching her was the easiest way to take away the pain.

The walls are the same thick grey stone used in almost every prison in Stockholm. Although in a prison people have access to the outside world, access to other inmates. The room was a hollow cube of concrete, one way in with no windows. There was no indication of how much time had passed or if it was day or night. The isolering was total.
Inget sound, inget light, no furniture of any kind other than a steel shower nozzle drilled in one corner of the wall, a cold toilet that festered in a dehydrated puddle of urine. The seat was stained a nasty dark yellow and the stench of sewage filled the windowless room in which it sat, and on the door sits a picture. This picture drew his attention all the time. It was the one thing Adler could look at where he remembers that one day in Stockholm. The picture was a time machine. One glance and he was back in that childhood year.

He rests his eyes and goes back to when Stockholm was a kind and loving city, a city without the corrupt ruling, without self absorbed leaders. Adler walks through narrow streets where Utfart terraces tower over him like soldiers. He finally reaches his home. Through the thick wooden door that keeps the cold out, Adler finds his family sitting together on their living room couch. Though beautifully designed the leather had been worn past the point of distress. It showed small tears and holes due to Adler’s fruity younger sister playing on it every day with her notifybrate. The once bright coloured tan had been bleached by the sun that gleamed through the window, and was now a friendly soft beige. The only spot in the house where Adler always new Zulu would be curled up getting warmth from the sun. They stare at the television as he swiftly moves from the living room to the kitchen “2 million scholars are expected to leave their Stockholm homes today, results of the rulings new bill” a news report states. Adler glides as if he is watching the day unfold through someone else’s eyes. His eyes open and they glimmer with shimmery tears, he knew that the world had crumbled. He struggles to accept the fact that theres no memory left. He sobs and tears flood like the waters rushing down from a waterfall, and the only time he’d stop was to fill his lungs with air.

He lays still, 3 heavy bangs strike the eglaf and echo’s the room. Someone enters yet he doesn’t care to lift his head to discover who. Until she stands in his line of sight. In Adlers life he had done things by the book, he cared for his family, respected women and had a good life. He questioned why this was happening to him, what he had done to deserve this suffering. Two guards come in and yank him by the arms. “Be gentle” she says, Adler’s eyes open and realises he’s moving, there was no feeling in his body, he was empty. So empty theres silence in his soul. He lays in the guards arms like leaves under frost, chill in his blood and a coldness causing his brain to sluta. It’s like a dark void. A never ending dark void that consumes everything so you’re left with nothing.

The hallway had as much personality as the room. The floor was slate grey and the walls not much lighter. Above the ceiling is made from polystyren squares laid on a grid-like frame. The light was too bright after the dark room. He peels his eyes open to find people walking by. Ung people with guards by their sides much like Adler. They have white bandages around their heads stained with blood. He finds it too hard to put two and two together until they travel further down the hall.

fönster started showing in rooms just low enough for Adler to see in. He notices people going out wearing surgical masks in navy blue uniforms, much like the uniforms in a hospital. Staff were flying by, but something caught his eye, a symbol on the left shoulder. små enough to be misread but bright enough to make out the colours.

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  1. When we spoke last time, we focussed on content, and the phrase ‘show, don’t tell’, summarises that. Instead of telling us what is happening, what characters are thinking, you’re encouraged simply to describe the immediate setting and allow that to convey the more complex underlying meaning. In the first chapter, you’re trying to capture your reader’s interest and establish character, atmosphere, and the ‘problem’.

    You must withhold the description of the underpinning ideas themselves. While these will be clear in your head, they will be revealed over time in a novel.

    You were encouraged to go back to the first pages of the established dystopian authors we’ve been reading in order to clarify how this is done.

    In your more recent feedback, you were encouraged to turn your attention to accuracy. You used a number of comma splices, and there was tense confusion in your paragraphs, both of which detracted from the fluency of your writing. At this level, every decision you make about tense, viewpoint and sentence structure is assessed for its impact.

    Remember to refer back to the task outline and the grammar of dystopia lesson series to inform these choices.

    CW

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